I consider myself pretty tough and I try keep a brave face whenever I possibly can.
However, this past week has been the worst Lupus week I've faced in a long time.
My left hand is throbbing, my spine hurts and it radiates into my right hip, my right ankle is having a sharp pain that comes and goes, my knees are burning like they are on fire, my muscles ache like I have the flu, I have fevers that are coming and going, and I can't describe the kind of fatigue I feel except to say I feel like I'm trying to move in wet cement. I am so so tired.
I've been to the doctor and he has ordered more extensive testing so that my insurance will pay for more aggressive medication since my maintenance meds aren't keeping these flares at bay.
In the meantime, I take more prednisone, anti-inflammatory meds, muscle relaxers, bio-freeze, etc.
I thank God tomorrow is Friday.
I give extra thanks for my amazing husband who takes care of me when I'm sick.
I also give thanks for a rheumatologist who was still returning calls at 7:30 tonight. (What doctor still does that???)
I realize I am so blessed.
Still, it's hard not to get frustrated and a bit down when my body won't cooperate.
As I laid down tonight to do some reading, it was like all the messages that I needed to hear were just meant for me to see before bed.
First, I read tomorrow's Jesus Calling devotional because I know I will be dragging in the morning:
And it was just perfect.
Then I was looking online and caught a video by my favorite author, Kasey Van Norman.
Her book, Raw Faith, really changed my perspective on my illness because, though God did not cause it, He can use it to teach me to be totally dependent on Him.
I believe that whole heartedly.
Still, after a week like this, I really needed the reminder to think on.
Finally, I saw this:
I absolutely love this verse but, again, what perfect timing for it to appear.
God will bring beauty out of the ashes of pain.
We just have to hold on.
