Break My Heart For What Breaks Yours

I'm not a theologian or any kind of biblical scholar.

I don't know all the "formulas" for prayer that seem to take off in popularity in the Church from time to time.

I sometimes have a mouth that sounds like I just finished a stint in the Navy and tonight I found myself needing to read a weeks worth of my One Year Bible to get caught up because life happens and my quiet time often gets away from me.

I am an abundance of imperfections.

But I love Jesus.

And I wholeheartedly believe every word He said and everything He did and that the way He treated people is the only right way.

So my prayer is always simply "break my heart for what breaks Yours" because I don't want to miss the person in need on the corner or my patient in pain who is trying to be stoic and not telling me or or my friend who is sinking but doesn't want to trouble me because of my health issues.

I want to really see people, like Jesus does.

That prayer often leads to an aching heart but today it is just busted wide open:

The largest mass shooting in American history.

At least 50 people dead.

More than 50 injured.

Even more who were held hostage who will undoubtedly have severe psychological wounds to deal with.

Another terrorist attack by an ISIS extremist.

I woke up to all of this today and was in total shock.

And, then, I saw a statement from the godless idiots at Westboro Baptist Church, saying that God had inspired this attack.

That's right, y'all.

God is now dispatching ISIS gunmen to kill people that the Fundies don't like.

After I saw that, and a few other posts on Facebook that made my blood boil and my brain hurt, I decided that, other than checking CNN for updates on what is actually happening at the scene, I wasn't going to read anymore about it today.

And I haven't.

But I have been thinking and praying about it a lot.

And I have a couple of simple thoughts:

As followers of Jesus, we should be like firemen - running as fast as we can to rescue and bring oxygen - when it comes to providing support to everyone affected by this tragedy. 

As individuals and churches, we should be the first ones in, ready to do whatever it takes to help, without question or condition.

Why?

Because that IS loving these people.

That is what Jesus would do.

Honestly, Jesus might well have been inside talking to everyone when it happened were He walking around here in 2016.

Take a reread of the Gospels if you don't believe me.

He loved people. He went to them where ever they were and met their needs. Surely we are to do the same?

This isn't the time for polictical debate or a battle of the bible verses or to be distracted by the external issues.

It is a time to show extra love and compassion and tenderness.

A time for prayer.

A time to share in the pain and grief of many families.

Why?

Because it is what Jesus would do.

And it is the very best thing we can offer to victims of this tragedy now.

A Tale of Amazing Books - and unmotivated children. . .

As a life-long word nerd, books are among my very favorite things.

I am always in the middle of at least three, and, now that I have discovered Thriftbooks with its free shipping with $10 purchase, I always have more books en route to my house.

I want them all.

So, today, I was looking over my Summer reading list (or at least the first part of it) and it didn't take long for my wandering train of thought to start thinking on my all-time favorites.

After giving it some serious thought, I even came up with the list:

My Favorite Books - So Far (in no particular order)

1. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

2. Love Is A Mix Tape - Rob Sheffield

3. Beach Music - Pat Conroy

4. The Ragamuffin Gospel - Brennan Manning

5. Love Does - Bob Goff

6. The Giving Tree - Shel Silverstein 

7. Harry Potter. All of them. (Nerds rule, y'all.)

8. Raw Faith - Kasey Van Norman

9. The Prophet - Kahlil Gibran

10. The Complete Collected Poems Of Maya Angelou

11. Our Town - Thornton Wilder

12. Their Eyes Were Watching God - Zora Neale Hurston

13. Walden - Henry David Thoreau

14. A Simple Path - Mother Teresa

15. All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten - Robert Fulghum

16. New & Selected Poems - Mary Oliver

And there are so many more I love that aren't included here. And the quest continues for my next favorite. . . ;)

And I have my reads for the next several weeks:

This week, I am rereading Raw Faith, getting ready to hear the author speak this weekend (yay!!!) and I also have a collection of Allen Ginsberg poetry and a book about learning the ukulele to add to the stack that aren't pictured.

So I'm all set for a bit.

I LOVE to read.

And I raised my children to love books as well.

I've read to these children from birth. I've bought them countless books. I've encouraged literature in every way.

So what has gone awry?

It seems that none of them have any assigned summer reading, and, despite my encouraging them to pick up a book, I am watching their brains break a little more each day as they watch TV and listen to songs about butts.

Every day I believe they are losing a few IQ points.

If current trends continue, by August, they may not be able to read at all.

I must intervene.

So, what happens to teenagers who ignore their mother's polite suggestions that they read for pleasure?

They get to read against their will.

Painful reading.

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, anyone?

Or maybe some Dickens?

For Whom The Bell Tolls should be fascinating to those who passed up the opportunity to choose their own literature.

Oh, and since my daughters truly loved seeing Les Mis, I see no reason they shouldn't both find the novel equally enjoyable. . . ;)

I'm so serious, y'all.

School has been out less than two weeks and not a thought has been thunk by anyone under 21 in our home that I can tell.

So, today, I am going to offer them one more chance to select their own book, begin reading it, and discuss it with me. I'm only going to mention it once.

When I get home from work in the morning, if they have no book to show me, and no thoughts to share, assigned reading it is.

I'll even throw in book reports and red pens for good measure.

It is the only way to stop the madness. ;)

Save Me, San Francisco

It's no secret that we have been having one hell of a time trying to help our oldest child recently.

In addition to dealing with serious mental illness, there have been two separate incidents that she reported, one in the fall and one last month, that are currently being investigated by the proper authorities.

As they are under investigation now, I am not going to give any specifics here, except to say that both alleged incidents occurred when she was where she was not supposed to be, with people she was not supposed to be with.

This has added to our frustration as parents, but, as anyone who has parented a strong willed teenager knows, they tend to find a way to do whatever it is they set their minds to.

I won't pretend I know all of her story and I won't attempt to tell it.

I'm just trying to find the truth in all of this.

And my posts are my part of the story.

And, right now, I am just at the end of my rope with it all.

We have to go in a few hours to give a second statement regarding the May episode and I have really been struggling with it.

I have been looking through the phone I confiscated (that she was not supposed to have) and thinking over what I can recall of her behavior that day.

As it happened, it was a special day for her siblings, with a lot of unusual activity, so I remember more than an average "cook dinner, do dishes, get ready for my shift" type of day.

As I've been thinking through everything and praying about it all, so much has been going through my head.

I have already been through this cycle once, talking to attorneys, social workers, police detectives. . .

I already know the questions that will be asked of me, when I talk to them away from her.

I have no idea what she will say for her part.

It is not up to me and I am not asking.

For my part, I have taken a step back and looked at this through the lens of mental health professional myself.

I've remembered all of my own training and really looked over everything.

I've decided that I am going to have to say some things that my child is not going hear well.

It's not going to be pretty.

But it is the right thing to do and it is necessary.

So I will.

And, since my stress level is this high and it is only June 2nd, I am over Summer Break already.

I am ready to load up my husband, the dogs, and even the cat (because y'all know he loves a road trip), smash our cell phones, and drive cross country to the Golden Gate Bridge, taking in all the sights along the way.

We'll head back in time for football season and try again for a better Fall 2016. . . ;)

Sadly, since running away is frowned upon, Plan B is to survive this meeting and get some sleep when I get home so I can pull through the rest of the work week.

Oh, and I am strongly encouraging everyone I gave birth to to go out of their way to make sure it is a peaceful weekend at Hillside Drive.

And next weekend my mother in love and I have a fabulous conference where we get to hear one of my very favorite writers!

It's going to get better.

I know it.

This morning's schedule just really bites.

Be well and have a good rest of the week, y'all!