Real Talk From A Plague-ish, Tired, If-These-Kids-Don't-Go-Back-To-School-NOW-I'm-Running-Away Mom

Y'all, I try to keep my little blog upbeat.

And write about bible studies and books and ideas and good good things.

But today I am just toast.

Crispy, set off the smoke detector, burnt toast.

See, for starters, our houseful of teenagers have been out of school for almost three weeks now for Christmas break.

Three. Weeks.

Three weeks spent arguing, asking questions, making messes, making noise, tearing through groceries, tearing up the house, and generally doing all the things that teenagers with no schedule for three weeks do to make their parents want to abandon everything, grab the pets, and move to Guam with only the clothes on their backs.

Then my husband and I both got sick. Snotty, achy, nasty, groddy sick.

We are miserable.

Then I worked last night, came home this morning, started a Medrol dosepak for my body pain because my plague is aggravating my RA, and, with the monster dose of steroids, I have been awake all day.

So for about 30 hours now.

With the plague and the too-much-free-time teenagers.

Then I ran to Dollar General, got a flat tire, and my sick husband had to come rescue me - on foot because his car wouldn't start - and change it in the dark in 30 degree weather. 

And then we got home to all three teenagers each separately inquiring about going to the mall tomorrow because "it's their last day out of school."

I am so serious.

So, today my blog is not full of happy ideas or books or verses.

Instead, it is full of snot and ouchies and head pain and the sincere hope that my husband and I can get to our bed with our kleenex and our desnotters, put a movie in, and rest quietly before we have to remove any adolescent noggins.

Usually when I feel bad, I really do focus on a specific bible verse that fits the situation and it helps a lot.

Today I am just too blessed brain fuzzied to even come up with one.

All I've got in my pitiful state is a sincere "Help me, Jesus" and the Dory song from Finding Nemo.

I've been hearing it in my head all evening.

But it's going to be alright for Tuesday is coming soon.

We'll be outside the school at 7 AM, waiting.

Until then, just keep swimming, friends. ;)

Numbering Our Days

My favorite translation of this verse is from The Living Bible: Teach us to number our days and recognize how few they are; help us to spend them as we should. - Psalm 90:12

On New Year's Eve, something happened that really brought this home to me and got me thinking.

When I got to work at 11:45 PM, I learned that one of my patients died twenty minutes before I got there.

This patient had been quite ill and was ready to go and be with the Lord but it just struck me that she would not be entering 2016 with us on this side.

And so I have been thinking on this Psalm.

Contrary to how it may seem, it is not morbid or dark to remember that our time is limited.

Rather, it is a way to keep in mind that it is a blessing to be setting goals and making plans for 2016, our lives are a gift, and we are to use our time well.

With that in mind, I looked back through my sermon binder from church for notes from a couple of sermons from Pastor Chris in late August and early September on dealing with stress and managing time.

I'm going to share them here for anyone else who also may need to do some restructuring this year.

From his Running My Race sermon, he said:

- It is better to have less of what doesn't matter and more of what does.

- It is better to live by design, not by default.

- It is better to get the right things done, not more things done.

- We should regularly take inventory to see if we are participating in the right activities, make tough decisions, and focus on what matters most.

- In the big picture, God matters, people matter, and eternity matters.

He also mentioned something that I really need to work on: If you learn to say "no," you'll trade popularity for respect.

The following week, he offered a list of five things he tries to do every day:

1. Prayer

2. Read God's word.

3. Show love to family and friends.

4. Make a difference in someone's life.

5. Take care of myself.

Going in to 2016, I plan to use his list of five things for myself each day and work toward better time management for myself and my family.

There are some activities that probably need to go and also some, like helping at the Dream Center and joining a small group, that I hope to add.

I hope this is helpful to someone else too.

Happy New Year, y'all!

Happy New Year 2016!

It's New Year's Eve and I am cheering for the Crimson Tide with my better half whilst I get ready to go ring in the New Year with my patients.

And, of course, it's also time for a little look back and some goal setting too.

When I looked up my Best Nine (my most liked pictures on Instagram) from last year, this is what I found:

And, in a strange way, these pictures do cover a lot: 

-  My nursing career (which I love).

-  Tattoo outings with my better half for my life verse symbol (always awesome).

- The fall goals I wasn't healthy enough to meet that finally prompted a major job change.

- My country.

- My faith.

- Meeting Jewel (gahhhh!).

- Sweet surprises from even sweeter friends (Thanks, Al!).

- Our wild unruly adorable furbabies.

- My commitment to beating RA.

This year brought plenty of stress (that's life), but, in the end, I found a great new night shift nursing job that is only a few miles from home, found an amazing church home, lost 30 prednisone pounds, read lots of good books, and had a great time with family, friends and fur babies.

Overall, a great one I say.

And, of course, no New Year's post is complete without some goals for the new year:

2016 - It's Gonna Be A Good One

1. Faith and family first. Schedules tend to get so crazy at times and last year we missed a lot of church when I was sick and starting Methotrexate and working a stressful job. This year, getting us all to church together each week is my goal. I love that our church has online church for the times when it is just not possible but I want to physically be there more often than not.

2. As I said in my previous post, I'll be doing lots of reading and working on my little blog. So excited!

3. I am restarting my Tone It Up eating and exercise plan. My running days are over (my RA insisted) but walking and yoga are perfect for me. I do hope to finish my weight loss goal but I'm not even putting a number on it this year. As long as I'm feeling good and healthy, I'm happy with my results.

That's All, Folks! ;)

I'm keeping it simple this year so I don't need a personal secretary to keep up with my New Year's goals.

Wishing you all peace, love, good books, good food, fun, and a Happy New Year!

I'll be doing some real blogging in 2016

As is pretty obvious here, I have been terribly neglectful of my little blog this past year.

At my previous job, I would get home just exhausted and never seemed to have the time or energy to get anything really started with it even though I wanted to.

Fortunately though, my new job (and the major schedule change that came with it) has been such a blessing and I have decided that one of my goals for 2016 (I'm not using the R word) will be to blog often during the week.

I will be changing it up a bit though.

I was looking around today at my current reading situation.

This is my bedside table:

And this is the small "To Read Next" stack in my window sill:

And there is a much larger "To Read Next" shelf in my library.

And a long Amazon book wish list. . .

You get the point.

So, this year, my blog will be mostly about the books I'm reading and ideas I find in my devotionals and that sort of thing.

My inner bookworm is very excited about this change.

So here is my current Word Nerd status:

I just finished reading through the New Testament and rereading one of my favorite books by Bob Goff called Love Does.

This book is so high on my Favorite Books Ever List that our friend Rebekah painted this lovely sign for our home:

And, while I'm sure there will be a post (or six) about it to come in the future, for now, I will just offer this quote:

“Living a life fully engaged and full of whimsy and the kind of things that love does is something most people plan to do, but along the way they just kind of forget… [We need to] just land the plane on our plans to make a difference by getting to the “do” part of faith. That’s because love is never stationary. In the end, love doesn’t just keep thinking about it or keep planning for it. Simply put: love does.” - Bob Goff


If you haven't read it, drop what you are reading and get it.

You'll be glad you did.

As for my very near future books:

Right now, I'm reading Simply Jesus, which is just essentially a harmony of all of the Gospels, in chronological order. I thought it would be a nice way to start the new year.

After I finish it, I'm starting a study of the Torah (the first five books of the Bible), which I'm actually pretty excited about it (weird, I know).

See, a few weeks ago, a blogger I really like, Hannah Brencher, posted about studying the Torah and said this:

"This week, I begin studying the Torah and creating lines between the Jewish roots my faith was built upon and New Testament that became my roof. The Hebrew text screams and offers me a million roads to walk upon to better understand this love story. To disregard the Torah in studying is to miss half of the story. . .How did I ever go this long thinking roots were not the foundation of everything?"

That thought stuck with me.

Then, as I was studying a prayer guide I picked up at church a few months ago, I came across this wonderful model of a Tabernacle Prayer based on the Temple.

And then several references to the Torah and studying the Old Testament kept appearing in different devotionals that I am working through.

So I got the message.

And I ordered a book to study the Torah. 

I think it will be great.

I'll be posting about it here.

As well as the new Jen Hatmaker book my sweet Sara Marie gave me for Christmas I'll be reading also. And I feel a Harry Potter reread coming soon as well as a trip to Narnia. And Jefferson Bethke has a new book out that is supposed to be wonderful. And I will be reading all those "To Be Read" books I have stacked up. And I am waiting on a book of Mary Oliver poems to arrive any day. . .

Be well and have a great week!

Love, peace, and good books to you all. 

New Diagnoses, New Lessons, and New Work

I've said before how much I love this book but, again, I encourage everyone to read it, particularly anyone facing health challenges.

I recently had a diagnosis of ankylosing spondylitis added to my list of autoimmune ailments and, though that was expected, it still rattled me a bit.

I picked up my copy of Raw Faith, which Kasey wrote about her facing non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, and have been rereading it.

In chapter 11, one of her journal entries really spoke to my heart and resonated with me in a new way:

"The longer I sit with Lord in this season of cancer, the more I pray for healing and a miracle, the more I understand one thing: I do not need the Lord to heal me.

What I need is the faith to trust him no matter what happens.

In this, I have begun to realize that great faith is borne in the great unknowns of life."

---------------------------------------------

I started this blog entry over a week ago, after my doctor made me aware of my new diagnosis on November 6th and had saved up to the line above.

Things got busy though, with me trying to make some big decisions about my job, and reducing stress, and what would be best for our family, and praying for the right answers.

I had several interviews set up but ultimately my husband and I were both really hoping that a specific position with a great schedule for me and more time at home that is literally five minutes from my house would work out.

All seemed to be going great when I got a scary call to come back in because the facility is so small that it gives its own drug screens and the one it gave me was defective. 

Per their policy, my application was to be discarded, end of discussion.

However, my future boss said she just knew it wasn't correct and decided to call me back in to to redo it anyway.

Of course, the repeat was fine.

In my heart and down to my toes, I KNOW that is one of those examples of God making things happen that are part of His plan and I am so so thankful.

I will miss my sweet work friends and my patients at my old job but I am so ready for less pressure (and therefore less health problems) and more time with my family.

I am so ready and thankful for this new season. 

Arriving Fashionably Late (as always) for Invisible Illness Awareness Week

Invisible Illness Awareness Week ended yesterday, but our lives have been in a state of chaos recently, with a child ill, my husband dealing with an extremely demanding work schedule, and other assorted issues, so I totally missed it until today.

However, now I am aware of it, and I do feel lead to share some thoughts on my experience living with an "invisible" chronic illness, which is debilitating more often than I'd like to think about.

First, to explain briefly the idea of an "invisible" illness.

Many illnesses, like Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Dysautonomia, Gastroparesis, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and countless others, have severe symptoms that can be life-altering, and even life-threatening, but, externally, the person suffering from the illness may look fine.

For example, even on a really bad day when I get up in severe pain, if I take all of my medication (17 pills in the morning), take a hot shower, stretch, put on "my face", style my hair, and force myself out the door, I probably look okay, other than moving slow.

Because of this, people who do not understand invisible illness tend to think that these illnesses are less serious than they actually are.

For me, at least, dealing with RA has been a beast since the beginning.

Simply having it is unsettling but what is even more troubling is how unpredictable it is.

For example, on my latest treatment, though I still had plenty of areas of pain, including my knees, I thought the burning pain in them that used to bother me so, was gone, as I had not experienced it in some time.

Suddenly, on Saturday, it came back as a searing pain, worse than I've had before.

On Sunday, it was growing stronger and again this morning it seemed to be worsening still.

Needless to say, today was an unscheduled high dose steroid day.

This is in addition to my hands having a mini-flare and my spine hurting at a 6/10 right now and whatever else decides to stage a rebellion this week.

In addition to the pain, RA comes with crippling fatigue. I've never experienced anything like it before. I liken it to literally hitting a wall. When it hits, I cannot go on.

Due to my inability to predict which of my joints will be affected at what time or how severe a flare will be or how long it will last or when overwhelming fatigue will strike, I could receive things like disabled parking and other services for people living with disabilities, but I, like most people, will wait until I absolutely have to utilize those things.

However, there are many people with similar diagnosis who already do have to use those services and often they are judged and treated unkindly because they look "well" though they are quite ill.

Hence, we have Invisible Illness Awareness Week, to educate others by sharing what we actually experience in our day to day lives.

Though it is difficult to deal with chronic illness, I am tremendously blessed. I have a wonderful, supportive husband, a loving family, caring friends, an excellent rheumatologist, and an understanding employer.

Of course I wish this disease wasn't with me but I have faith that God will bring me through it and use it for good somehow.

He always does.

Looking Forward To A Lovely (TIU) Fall

It's been a while since my last post, thanks to a nasty flare that was followed by a few really busy weeks.

So, to get caught up quickly, my RA will always have good and bad days but, overall, on my current meds I'm doing pretty well.

My pain is usually manageable, I got through last week at work with no sick time and my chemo side effects have fallen into a predictable pattern (a little rough on Saturday, worse on Sunday morning, then okay) now.

Also, over the past several months, I've been working on losing the substantial amount of weight that I gained during the two years I was on high dose prednisone therapy.

I've lost about 30 pounds but have another 35 pounds I want to lose, back to my pre-diagnosis weight.

Even more than for my appearance, getting back to my natural weight will take a lot of strain off my joints.

I have wanted the Tone It Up Plan for over a year, as it is a weight loss plan, but also is a gluten free, anti-inflammatory diet that focuses on the foods and exercises that my doctor already recommends for my RA.

So a win-win.

But, for a "membership", which mostly just is a PDF of their plan, and an occasional update, they charge $199. For. A. PDF. =O 

And that is just too much.

However, subscribing to their email list, following them on Instagram, and using their app, I've gotten lots of useful information for free.

Just not the plan.

And I hadn't expected to ever get it. 

BUT:

This weekend I learned that a friend of mine had the TIU plan and the updates and she learned that I had several e-books she really wanted.

Totally out of the blue and by accident.

Trade time anyone?

So last night this vision of loveliness appeared in my inbox:

And I've spent this evening looking through the startup information.

I've gotten enough put together to begin tomorrow even though I have lots more to read and will get it all printed out and put in a binder next week:

The nutrition part of the plan is on point for me and I can do it with no changes.

The exercise portion I will be modifying.

I will be doing 30 minute walks for cardio and yoga for strengthening. And that's it.

And, on sick days, I'll stick with the diet but exercise will be walking to the kitchen and back.

Such is life with RA. ;)

Still I am super stoked to start.

And for the next several days I'll also be geeking out and making goal lists and vision boards and getting my dork on in general.

Awesome it will be. =D

Happy Labor Day, y'all!